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 Week Two: Contraception
“Beyaz™ Yourself” by Elizabeth at Startling the Day 

This is the second post of a Lenten blog post series called “Bright Maidens.” We three are from the oft-mentioned, widely-speculated upon demographic of young, twenty-something Catholic women. We’re here to dispel the myths and misconceptions- please join us for the discussion!
 

***I’m tempted to not put a disclaimer here. The reason I will disclaim is because I want you to know my intentions are to spread love. “The road to hell” being what it is, I know the diaspora that occurs between intention and effect. I understand many women are on hormonal birth control for medical reasons. Just consider what I’m saying, I’m not attacking anyone… except maybe the interns who concocted this commercial…***

“You know what you want today, but you never know what you might want tomorrow. It’s good to have choices…” This is the introduction to the most recent Beyaz™ commercial.

Hey ladies! Life is like shopping! Yeah, in your designer outfits, perfect hair, and thin bodies, you walk around a pale pink store placing life decisions in the shopping cart, one by one!

First stop: grad school. How could you pick up a degree? Well, having sex outside of marriage is a given, of course. Are you expected to complete a degree without the occasional stress release? So, the next logical step is birth control.

(I don’t own the rights)

Now, which birth control should I use? According to the Bayer people, Beyaz™ is formulated with a little extra folate. Yup, that’s right. Prenatal vitamins built in, just in case you get pregnant.

Good choice! You’re hitting the world with a double whammy of responsibility. Wack, wack, take that.

However, as the next shot shows, if you get pregnant, though your baby will have sufficient calcium, he or she will make the diploma fly off into the air to another part of the store of life.

In our walk around the store, we see other admirable life goals like “picnic at a waterfall,” “trip to Paris,” and “buy a house.” People with babies don’t do these things. Celibate people definitely don’t do these things.

When picking out a significant other, as the label portrays on the shelf, one must choose carefully, but not too carefully. After all, there is a whole shelf of them and you’re “protected.”

In fact if you had sex and used this birth control, you’ll probably go to Paris with the goofy Ken doll you just picked out two tables ago.

(I don’t own the rights)

Oh, but watch out. Don’t turn down the wrong isle or you’ll bump into the stork carrying a purple, heavy-looking sack. Awkward. No need to worry, this birth control is 99.99% effective. Just shake your head at the silly bird and move on.

To be clear, there are no men in the commercial. No wining, no dining, no actual romantic dates, just little miniature ones trapped in glass boxes like action figures.

The women are strolling along, presumably having sex figuratively as they walk in this dream-like state through the store without concern.

Natural

Why would a puritan like me disagree with this “freedom” these women have over their own bodies? The world tells us, “Sex is natural” and it is.

Let’s talk about what is unnatural. Birth control. Contraceptives. Separating an entire reason for the marital bond in order to use your significant other, husband or wife for pleasure only. That is unnatural.

Literally: look at the ingredients in hormonal birth control or barrier contraceptives, ask a 3-year-old to pronounce it for giggles. Then ask a 15-year-old to pronounce it. After that, try pronouncing it yourself.

Woooo blod clots. Actual Beyaz girl.

Crystalina and Jason Evert break down the carcenogenic that is “the Pill” in this article and I highly recommend it if you’re looking for a scientific answer to your question.

As a sneak preview, hormonal birth control can cause heart attack, blood clot, stroke, liver cancer, breast cancer, gallbladder disease, headache, bleeding irregularities, ectopic pregnancy, weight gain, mental depression, yeast infection, changes to the curvature of the eye, excessive hair growth in unusual places, loss of scalp hair, acne, partial or complete loss of vision, and more.

Put that in my shopping cart, right away!

My ex-boyfriend, who is very involved in the pro-life movement, once exclaimed that the anti-contraceptive voices should be detached from the pro-life movement. Detached.

No. The pro-life movement gives away too much when it says contraception is okay.

It means we’re okay with irresponsibility. You can have all the pleasure you want without “risk,” but if biology WHOOPS gives you a baby, then you have to start being responsible. Let’s be clear, a baby is always a potential result of sexual intercourse, even if it’s “protected.” A baby is never the result of not having sex.

Unless you’re Mary.

The only “safe” sex is that between two people who are entirely committed to one another. This doesn’t include people who are paying rent together, people who have bought meals for each other, or people who met ten minutes ago. This includes those bound in matrimony.

Two bound in matrimony are not granted permission to lust for each other and “have at it.” That corrupts sex. They are invited to share in God’s gift of making love, or the “intimate seal,” as Alice von Hildebrand calls it. This is only fully realized when the two unite in pleasure and understanding that a child may result from their physical manifestation of love.

More pet peeving

You know what is most annoying about this commercial? Most of the things that these women are shopping for are related to men. If you’re so independent and you haven’t been “duped” by your biology like those of us who are oppressed by abstinence, why are you still tied to how a man sees you and how you spend time with a man?

The picnic by a waterfall and trip to the “most romantic” city in the world are certainly supposed to be shared with one of the Ken dolls in an earlier shot. How are you more independent with this birth control?

I was going to share with you the video for the commercial, but it has been removed. I can’t find it anywhere. Perhaps they made a sour choice and now they see the backlash?

UPDATE: John Jansen found it!

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